Potty
training is one of life’s events that we as parents anticipate as well as
celebrate. It’s that remarkable mild stone that sets us apart from every other
living creature on the planet. Potty training can be a major undertaking, but
the one thing that keeps us going is the long awaited ode to the day when we
can relinquish diaper duty. Though I dare say, for some of us that day is years
in the making.
There are
all sorts of gimmicks and gadgets out there to entice our little ones to do the
potty thing. Do these gimmicks really work? And furthermore, do they work for
the autistic child? Well, I can tell you, gimmicks and gadgets did not work for
my son. As a matter of fact, gadgets and gimmicks may have prolonged the
process.
I’ve read a
lot of information about potty training the typical and autistic child and I
have yet to come across information that could have helped me train my son with
his unique circumstances.
I started working
on potty training my son when he was 3 years old. We had not received an
official diagnosis for autism, so there was little to no help offered from
medical professionals and therapists. I turned to other parents, books, blogs,
television and autism support groups where I found a wealth of information and
support.
Over a
period of several years, we would try different methods, starting with the
tried and true getting on the potty after meal and snack time. We tried getting
on the potty every couple hours, every hour, every thirty minutes. We even used
the timer method. I was taking suggestions from everyone I knew and still no
go. By this time my son hated being on the potty. He would deny himself food
and drink to prolong the process. This has become worrisome. My son has a short
gut and needs to eat several meals throughout the day and night to gain weight
and grow.
Opened to
trying just about anything, I sought methods to make potty time as pleasant as
possible. I even took the advice of a well-known TV personality, Dr. Phil, who
simply said to give the child a party after he goes potty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVcady5-uIU. What a novel idea. So, I made my
list:
Party hats
Noise makers
Homemade confetti
Large washable play mat
Juice/snack
TV
Potty Time Video
Hand sanitizer
Potty
1 small child
Party
planned. I placed the potty on the play mat, popped the potty video into the
VCR, set up snacks and drink and had the party hats, noise makers and confetti
waiting in the wings. Now it’s time for the guest of honor. Okay, child
properly located, aww, he’s swaying to the potty song. A few minutes later we
have success! He did pee-pee in the potty…yeah!!!! I kissed my son, told him he
did good pee-pee in the potty and then proceeded to dance around the room,
blowing noise makers and tossing confetti. This was going to be the mother of
all celebrations…right? Wrong. My child was traumatized and decided not to use
the potty ever again. Talk about your low days. All hope literally flushed down
the drain. It’s not Dr. Phil’s fault that the party thing didn’t work. Part of
the problem was my literal mind and really going all out for the party mood. I
should have done something a little more reserved and quite. Live and learn.
Fast
forward…My son is now 10 and we’ve just moved into our house. He is still not
potty trained and I have seemingly exhausted every possible avenue. There were
some who told me to just give up. I had done my best. I guess it’s time to accept
that my son might be in diapers for the rest of his life. But wait, my son is
able to identify when he needs to go to the bathroom and he indicates that by finding
a private place to do so. He even changes himself once he’s done. And the level
of control he has over his own body function. Not once in his later years has
he had a muddy accident away from home. There’s really only one step left and
that’s to get him to use the toilet. There has to be a way to achieve this goal…consistently.
After all, what exactly am I fighting…his ability or his will?
As a last
ditch effort I cleared the calendar and set up our potty training boot camp.
That means we dedicated almost every waking hour to the purpose and practice of
toileting properly. Outings were limited to need only. I removed all diapers
from sight and replaced them with real underwear. We started off going to the
bathroom every 30 minutes, for duration of 5 minutes, allowing extra time after
meals and snacks. A diaper was allowed for bedtime. During bed time I set my
alarm to wake up every 3 hours so I could get my son up and send him to the
bathroom for 5 minutes. I know this sound grueling and it was. My son had to
understand that “I don’t want to” was not an option.
I prayed God’s
guidance and hoped I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to push my son to
do something that he could not do.
Within a few
weeks we developed a rhythm. Progress was being made. Peeing in the toilet was
becoming second nature, even while out. We had only three daytime peeing
accidents during the entire training process.
Mastering stooling
in the toilet came with its own set of challenges and those challenges taught
me a great deal about my son’s ability. Midway through potty training boot camp
I noticed that my son was not stooling or so I thought. No accident in diapers and
no stooling in the toilet. How is that possible? I was concerned. I don’t want
him to get sick in the process, so I started paying closer attention to his
habits. Ah hah!! That little dickens outsmarted me. My son had a secret stash
of pull-ups that he changed into when he felt he needed to stool. He would find
a place to relieve himself and then discard the pull-up in the trash, hiding it
under other trash if he could. I saw this and could not believe my eyes. How
very clever he is. Note to self…never underestimate any child.
I rejoiced
at my son’s increased cerebral fortitude, but recognized that I needed to find his
secret stash of pull-ups. I checked where I originally hid the pull-ups. No
change there. I checked different areas in his room and around the house. I
still couldn’t find the secret stash. So I wait. He’ll have to run out of
pull-ups soon. It wasn’t long before the inevitable happened. My son is
starting to refuse food and drink again. He’s determined not to stool in the
toilet or ever, for that fact. Three days pass and still no stool. It’s time to
turn up the volume on the training. Instead of going to the bathroom every 30
minutes to an hour he now has to spend most of his time in the bathroom, taking
breaks for eating, playing and sleeping with close supervision. Another day
goes by and finally! It happened. Success…true success. This time there were no
parties, only a warm smile and a job well done. I continued encouraging his
successful self-toileting, which he seemed not to mind. It took all of 3 months
to get the bulk of his training done and those 3 months changed our lives
forever.
Taking this
huge leap did more than just rid us of pull-ups. My son seemed more assured of
himself and more mature in how he handles himself. I think we tend to take for
granted that which comes easily for “typical children.” We think about the
cognitive implications as new life stages are met, but there is very little
talk about the child’s sense of self as new challenges are conquered. These
things make a tremendous difference in the child’s life. It’s not just about
gaining skill, but gaining the knowledge that “I can do.”
Don’t give
up! – Sometimes you have to step back, leave a situation where it is and then
revisit it much later. If you find that you have to take a break because potty
training is way too challenging, then break the process down to the smallest
degree. That will be your starting point when you and your child are ready to
meet the challenge again.
Don’t compare
your child to other children. His natural rate of progression is his alone.
Respect that and encourage him to do his personal best.
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