Tuesday, August 26, 2014

On the Inside Looking Out

I read a few articles yesterday and came across a post that I found to be somewhat disturbing. It made me feel as though invisible...completely outside of the subject even though they were speaking of something that I live with everyday...Autism.

How is it that they can speak so freely about something that is part of us without any regard for how they are affecting us?

Here is the header for the post:

Question of the Day: What do you feel the root causes of autism are? Let us know your opinions http://ow.ly/sCblg

At first I thought the question was simple enough, then I thought how preposterous to ask such a thing. Questions of this nature can and do stir up a wave of controversy. Doesn't the writer know that there is enough controversy about Autism or are they bored and in need of entertainment?

While scrolling through the comments I felt a strange emotion come over me. At first there were feelings of elation for those willing to speak to the cause of learning, accepting, nurturing and building a society that is more open to the ones needing support to navigate this world. A beautiful gesture indeed. On the other hand there were many comments listing various potential 'thought to be' causes of Autism. Some comments were simple and heartfelt, where as others were of a more matter of fact scientific nature. As I continued reading the comments I felt myself lifting as if having an out of body experience. It was as thought I was picked up and set in the center of a these people, watching and listening to them talk about me as if I were not their. I don't think I've ever felt so lonely and loathsome...at least, not for a very long time. I'm tired...tired of watching people pointing fingers, searching for blame with little regard to how they make some of us feel.

You speak as if  we aren't here...just the autism.

At what point and time will people stop talking about a part of us that we cannot change and in many cases do not want to change. Who's feelings are being considered here, ours or yours? I see why there is such a profound feeling of uselessness, worthlessness...nothingness. How else can we feel when people are talking about us and around us, but not to us.

It is not autism that makes us feel this way...it's YOU who make us feel this way. Try treating us with dignity and respect...understanding and acceptance...love and patience. I dare not say treat us in a humane way. That would only be one step up from being tied to a tree and beaten. Some of us know what that feels like.

I ask that you treat us as you would want to be treated if you were in our position. I want to say to you...see yourself in my shoes, but that would not work... You would only loathe yourselves even more and possibly because more hardened and bitter. It would not work because you would be looking through the mindset of misery and shame. If only you could clear your minds...be free from the social negativities associated with autism. If you could see yourself as a light...bright and beautiful...love deeper than the ocean...empathy as vast as the expanse of the skies. If only you could see us the we saw ourselves before seeing ourselves through YOUR eyes. You would see something most spectacular.

I apologize if my words seem simple. I am one who lives on the spectrum and can only share the view I see from inside looking out.