I've spent the last 3 days nursing my son's cold and trying to think off some whitty way to share the experience with you. Truth is, I don't feel so fun or whitty right now. I just want to curl up in a dark place and cry. It greives me in my heart to see my son suffer. I'm greatful that he only gets colds once or twice a year, but when he gets sick it really takes a tole on him. Sometimes I get very angry because he's been through so much, but on other hand he could have been through so much more.
So I sit here watching my son breath. Every breath he takes while sick feels like a stab in my gut. If only I had a magic wond to take away all the discomfort. I know in calendar days this cold won't last long, but when I look into his eyes it feels like an eternity. I just want him to get better. The house is so quiet when he's sleeping. I miss the jumping, running, tossing and rewinding that he does everyday. I miss the giggles, laughs and babblings of his favorite movies. I miss the quiet wonder when he's interested in what I'm teaching. But there are still many things I cherish when he's under the weather; like the way he wiggles his fingers when he really means "no more soup" and the smile he gives just before throwing the covers over his head to avoid cough syrup. I even charish the banging of his nebulizer on the bed when he's ready for another treatment, of course, I make a mental note to self never to give that child a bell. I guess it's good that I'm able to find some measure of joy, no matter what. If only my heart weren't so heavy.
The speech therapist came by today for our early morning appointment. I'd forgotten to email her to cancel. Her student assistant asked if she could leave a candy cane for him. That was so thoughtful. She gave one to me too. I'll save my candy cane for when we can enjoy them together or perhaps he will have them both. In the meantime, nurse mommy remains on duty, always watching and waiting for the next call to duty and the opportunity to give a tiny kiss on his slightly warm forhead. Good night my angel. May God take away all the illness and make you well.
I'll be so glad when things are back to our norm again.